AAAAH! Overshare!
I fell in love with the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire Series from Charlaine Harris from the first sentence in “Dead Until Dark.” I found the series just as I was missing Virginia and the South desperately. Sookie’s adventures as a telepath, barmaid and vampire lover in the Deep South of Louisiana were like a glorious reunion (but without the hog guts and corn pone my neighbor Lurene used to force-feed me at brunch.)
So imagine, if you will, my excitement when HBO announced the “True Blood” series based on Sookie’s adventures. The Todd, who HATES gore, gamely made us a special vampire dinner of rare rib roast, red fingerling potatoes and red wine. We excitedly sat down to see my dream come to the small screen.
We both sat frozen for the first, oh, 25 minutes or so as everyone whipped off their clothes and enthusiastically embraced each other in all manner of contortionistic efforts. I finally ventured, “there isn’t this much sex in the books…”
“Uh, huh.” said The Todd, still staring at Sookie’s brother Jason, a harness, an employee from the Stop ‘N Shop, a stained couch and a wheel of cheese.
It has nothing to do with taste–The Todd will tell you I have the cultural sensibilities of an 18 year old frat boy. It has nothing to do with squeamishness. I’ve given birth. ‘Nuff said.
It’s just–OVERSHARE! I don’t even want to watch MYSELF having sex, much less anyone else. It’s taking all the fun out of it for me. I want to remember Sookie bravely battling evil vampires from the Dallas syndicate, not the sight of Anna Paquin’s bare bosom. For the love of Pete–she won an Oscar for that role as the little girl in “The Piano!” It’s like…I don’t know…like, seeing my niece in “Playboy” or something.
I’m still watching “True Blood” faithfully every Sunday night. Just, with one hand over one eye. Then, it’s only half as creepy and uncomfortable.
Cinemark’s Summer Movie Clubhouse is back…
“Hey, Honey, Should I Have a Face Lift or a Bust Enhancement?”
NEW from Todd:
Men, there are some questions that you should NEVER answer.
It’s a no-win situation. The only way out is to use the classic “I love you just the way you are,” line, even if in your mind you are picturing your wife’s perky new form. These types of questions are a trap that no man can escape. It’s like if you were kidnapped and you were asked, “do you want to be shot in the head or the chest?” You just can’t win.
Here’s a few more questions you should never answer:
“Which one of my sisters is the hottest?”
“If I died, which one of our friends would you be interested in?”
And, the standard: “does this make my butt look fat?”
Now, the obvious answer is “no!” But, the timing of the answer to the question is the key. The time span between the question and your answer should only be able to be measured by a group of scientists in a secret underground bunker under the Nevada desert.
So, ladies, please help us men out. If you have more questions that men should NEVER answer, please add them here, (unless it violates some sacred estrogren pact.)
Thanks, Todd
Real Simple is only $5.00
I love “Real Simple” magazine, but at $5.00 an issue, it’s a little spendy for me. You can pick it up on Amazon.com right now for only $5.00 for a full year’s subscription! Just click on the magazine section and go to “best buys.”
Free shipping from Old Navy and Gap!
Along with some great end of season sales, there’s free shipping on any order from oldnavy.com or gap.com through 7.16. Use the code BTSCHOOL at checkout. Since the twins go to a private school, I just picked up a pile of blue uniform shorts for $2 each! If you’ve got an Old Navy credit card, you’ll get an additional 10% off with the code school10 on kid’s clothes. I know myself too well to get store credit cards, but I hope you’re a stronger woman!
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Ready To Coupon?
"Extreme Couponing" on TLC has done one thing for all us would-be frugalistas--while no one I know wants to be quite that crazed, couponing is looking more attractive, am I right? Here's your coupon options in a tidy, almost shamefully easy format:
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No insurance? Or does your lousy coverage refuse to pay for certain medications? Enter the Pharmacy Coupons--this network allows you to print coupons for up to 75% off your prescription costs. In the economy? A literal lifesaver.
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Do you have estrogen? Then you will love Woman Freebies.com. They send free girly samplys and piles of high-value coupons. No catch!
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