I am in Tupperware Perdition
I sat in the middle of my kitchen floor tonight, sorting Tupperware with no matching parts and listing my sins…
–I cut in front of slower drivers and gesticulate angrily.
–I laughed when Paris Hilton was sent weeping back to jail.
–When my twins’ third grade teacher asked where Zach’s homework was, I pretended I’d forgotten the folder at home when in fact we had done no homework all week.
–When I was 16 I stole my sister Juli’s skirt and when she confronted me, I actually went to the store, pretended I’d lost my sales recipt and got a copy. I presented it to her as “proof” that I’d bought that skirt and made her feel insane every time I wore it.
I do not feel that any of these sins warrant the fact that I have $6,000 worth of plastic food storage items and none of the lids fit any of the bowls. Unless…Juli has waited all these years to finally creep in, steal various bowls and lids to make me feel insane and wreak her vengeance.
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